Staff & Contributors

Simon Hawk
Chief Diversionist
Simon Hawk is a thinker, writer, satirist, and full-time oddball. As Chief Diversionist of Knozzle, his job is to write, baby, write with the intention of making his audience think and laugh. Or at least chuckle.

When not hunched over his computer, he spends his time on a balcony overlooking the Arkansas River (pronounced ar-KAN-zas, people!) playing Death Metal's Greatest Hits on his diamond-studded kazoo. He sometimes pretends to know the meaning of life, but mostly just knows the meaning of obscure words like "sesquipedalian".
Melvin Kingfisher
Melvin Kingfisher is Knozzle's resident Curmudgeon. He's old and he's cranky, but the editor owed him a few favors, so he got the job anyway. As Curmudgeon, it is Melvin's job to remind you just how young, stupid, and annoying you really are by recounting endless stories of yesteryear, an idyllic time of picket fences, low gas prices, and Jim Crow laws.

His hobbies include complaining and scaring people off his lawn, often with an old samurai sword he brought back as a souvenir from World War II.
Andromeda Kiskadee
Rare Medium
Andromeda Kiskadee is a bit of a mystery wrapped in an enigma folded into an old terrycloth robe she pretends is a mystic shroud. Her methods are a bit unorthodox, as she has shuffled off the coil of mundane astrology for a more freeform brand, reading business and baseball cards rather than the tarot type and preferring her own nebulous zodiac.

She is also the owner of antiquities and firearms shop "Bed Knobs & Boomsticks" and deals in supposedly arcane artifacts. Her proudest possession is a pair of sequined red slippers she claims are from the set of The Wizard of Oz. Are they magic? Of course. They drop houses on witches.
Joey the Finch
Resident Goomba
We don't know much about Joey the Finch. He claims to have some connection to Cosa Nostra, but we're betting it's more like Costco. Wearing his straw fedora and polo, he looks like he belongs on The Sopranos relaxing in front of a sixty inch screen watching The Godfather, Part II while six mini-goombas run helter-skelter around his place.

Still, one cannot deny the knowledge he seems to have about the inner workings of what he calls "The Fambly". So maybe he is a made man, a wiseguy, or maybe he's making it all up like some gangster noir pulp novel. Either way, he made us an offer we couldn't refuse, so he got the job.

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